Come on, how many times have you and I made fun of that ridiculous slogan in the last several years? (4,768,345,422 is my rough estimate. Your count may vary). And yet now, gearing up for a World Series which involves my least favorite professional sports franchise of all time–not to mention in the National League–I want to weep for joy at the glorious idea that the All-Star game does indeed count for something! 

In this case, “it” counts to give the American League home field advantage. No big deal, you say? Well, if anything will help shift the momentum to Tampa Bay, it’s one less game in that shoebox known as Citizen’s Bank Park. The way I see it, if the Rays have an edge in the pitching department (and they do), and the Phils have the slight edge in hitting, playing fewer games in CBP can only help. That makes me happy, especially when coupled with the fact that the Phillies have had a few extra days of rest to get out of the swing of things (I would like to proudly announce that pun was 100% intentional. Never understood why people don’t want to just own it, rather than gleefully announcing that a clever play on words was a total accident. Nothing says “I don’t have an ounce of wit in this empty skull of mine!” like “no pun intended.”)

If I could find Daniel Uggla (or if the current restraining order would allow me to get within 1,000 feet of him once I did find him) I would engulf him in the most giant of bear hugs for his sincere efforts in ensuring that every possible advantage be given to the Tampa Bay Rays. No, I’m not saying the NL lost because of Dan. Just acknowledging that he did his best to contribute to that possibility. Something in his subconscience must have told him he was playing for a chance to dash the hopes of the Marlins bitter rivals.

And now I’m going to level with you, folks. Yes, my severe hateration for the Phillies is driving me to cheer without restraint for a team I care next to nothing about. But a force even more powerful than my utter loathe-itude of Philadelphia is driving me as well: my unquenchable desire for extremely low quality mexican fast food! Taco Bell has announced that America is to be the lucky recipient of free tacos if a base is stolen at any time during the 2008 World Series. A free taco?! Who cares which team wins it all!!!

The official HLD&S mantra for the world series: “RUNNER GOES!!!”

ALCS – Tampa Bay Rays. Why the Rays? Well, when you add it all up, Florida team + fellow sea creature mascot + young franchise + counterparts in the East = 47% less boring than another snoozefest of a world series involving the Red Sox. And furthermore, now that their association with the prince of darkness has been nullified, I can in good conscience (and without the fear of fire and brimstone) root them on to victory. Plus, the Rays are essentially the Florida Marlins of the American League. But honestly, it really comes down to geography– at least if Tampa Bay makes the series, the celebration will be happening hundreds of miles closer to my home.

NLCS – LA Dodgers. Why? Well, I know you’re thinking it has something to do with Alyssa Milano. And I’ll admit, I love a closet full of lacy, satin MLB apparel as much as the next baseball fan (available now online in 75 styles–unless you’re a Marlins fan, then there’s only one– starting at just $39.99!!!), however, Ms. Milano has had no bearing on my decision to cheer the Dodgers to the world series. Nor did the remainder of the long list of serious, baseball-savvy fans the Dodgers boast (example pictured top left). In fact, the truth is that I would cheer for a team full of miscreants who were personally responsible for the slaughtering of my entire family (both immediate and extended) if they were playing the Philadelphia Philthies. I don’t give two specs of lint for the Dodgers. But they are now my favorite team on the planet.

And now that we have that settled, you all can be assured that we are set to enjoy a World Series matchup of Boston and Philadelphia.