It's Awesome, Baby! With a Capital A!

In the spirit of March Madness, please feel free to read the following post employing your best **** Vitale impersonation. The multitudinous hand gestures are optional, but do provide a 462% increase in calories burned over shouting alone. I haven't the strength to type in Vitaleese today, so any time you see a period, comma or space, the words "BABY!" and "Duke" are implied.

Mark Madness
It seems the Florida Marlins have at last found themselves an opening day starter, much to the delight of Fish fans everywhere. With a good chunk of the projected rotation nursing various physical ailments, many of us had begun to fear that Billy the Marlin may get the nod March 31st. Thanks to Mark Hendrickson, I am happy to report that won't be necessary now, and that Billy will be free to chicken-dance on the sidelines with pre-schoolers when the season opens next week. Whew.

Hendrickson has risen victoriously this spring from the ashes of mediocrity to earn the coveted spot of opening day starter. And by "risen victoriously," I mainly mean that he managed not to cripple himself like all the rest of our pitchers, and is earning the honor by default. OK, not quite. Far be it from me to make light of Hendrickson's dominance this pre-season. His performance thus far has been pretty impressive, and based on his spring stats, Hendrickson is in for one whale of a season (We all know, of course, that what happens in spring training is a very clear indicator of what will take place during the regular season. So we can expect 20+ wins and a few perfect games from Mark in 2008, plus a NLCS victory for the Fish, by my calculations).

If Hendrickson's skills on the mound aren't enough to impress you, then his stature should do the trick. One of the tallest pitchers in Major League baseball, Mark stands at a foreboding 6 feet, 9 inches. If you ask me, that fact alone should have been enough to clinch the number one spot in the rotation, so I'm really not sure why we needed six weeks to make the announcement. It's like I always say, people: a man's ERA is of absolutley no consequence, so long as he towers significantly over the opposition. The old adage rings ever true...size does matter. Sure, it may not help you win any games, but it will certainly provide endless material for the color commentator. Tommy Hutton must be thrilled beyond measure.

What's In a Name? A heckuva lot.
Much to my chagrin, Marlins pitching prospect Burke Badenhop was reassigned to minor league camp today. While I am sure he could use a little extra seasoning before joining the pitching staff, I was still devastated by the news. Not so much due to the pitcher's talent, mind you, but more due to the severe disappointment of not being able to use the name "Burke Badenhop" on a daily basis. You just can't make this stuff up.

Seven days until life begins again!