The Starting Line

In the spirit of a brand new season, mlblogs.com has undergone a makeover of sorts. Welcome to the all new Hook, Line Drive, & Sinker! (Incidentally, I had nothing to do with the design you see before your eyes, so feel free to send all complaints elsewhere). While I'm not sure how each of my 3.2 readers feel about the new look of the blog, I am personally leaning toward almost being able to barely tolerate it. It's like I always say: if one Marlins logo is good, eleven million Marlins logos are...excessive. If you blur your eyes, though, you'll not only create a rather pleasing blob of teal, black and gray matter, you will also be unable to read another word of this post. It's a win-win, people.

This is the day that baseball fans have been dreaming of since October. Or, if you're a Marlins fan, you've been dreaming of it since about six weeks into last season. It is Opening Day, folks. A time to begin again, a time to hope again, a time to get irritated at the drunk Mets fans in the seats next to you again. Ah, sweet baseball season.

I'll spare you the obligatory "We're all in first place today" speech. Snore. Anybody who follows the game of baseball, or who read Baseball Prospectus 2008, knows what a load of **** that is. According to this year's rather depressing edition of the baseball "Bible," the Fish will win fewer than 11 games in '08. At least that's what I read between the lines of pages 184 to 201; your interpretation may vary slightly. Either way, I'm afraid any dreams of a teal October will have to be left to the heavily medicated this year.

Unfortunately, not everyone can watch 162 games of baseball, knowing all the while that there will be nothing to show for it. And so I have compiled a list of my goals for this season. Regardless of wins and losses, if the Marlins can manage to accomplish the following, I will consider the 2008 season a sweeping success.

1) Ten well-pitched games. I'm not asking for no-no's here. Just give me more than five innings. Less than 9 earned runs. Somebody. Anybody.

2) Fewer than five surgeries on the appendages of our pitching staff. Let's try to stay above the knife this season, guys.

3) At least five benches-clearing brawls. If we can't feel the adrenaline rush of chasing October, at the very least I'd like to feel the adrenaline rush of a Scott Olsen left hook to Chase Utley's pretty face. Although this may not help so much with goal #2 on my list (see above).  

4) Fewer than 120 errors. There's no danger of any of you winning a Gold Glove, I know. But could we just lessen the ugly by a play or two or ten? That would be swell.

5) Free Frozen Lemonade Night at the ballpark. C'mon, Marlins, I'm thinking a rainy Wednesday night game against the Pirates. Save the hand towels for Super Saturday, and give the real fans a treat.

Let the games begin!